1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

3. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.

4. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

5. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.

8. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities
without your help.

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of
car payments.

10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day.

13. If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.

14. Don't squat with your spurs on.

15. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

16. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put
it back in your pocket.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

20. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and
it holds the universe together.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.